I need to learn to accept things slowly

I just completed my papar today and I felt terrible after that. I see how other students are happy that they can pass the paper but I am sulking that I might lose my distinction this semester.

Why am I so concern about distinction when I know that I can become a good doctor in years to come after all? I think maybe its partly due to the fact that my parents give me a lot of hope and support and I feel very disgrace if I can't bring myself to the best.

Seriously, I think I did do my best, even Yuen Yue can tell you that. I put in all my effort and used up all the brain power. I even realised I am starting to lose myself into all the stress. Poor Yuen Yue has to keep encouraging me to calm me down. Shaojie and she keep saying that if I get so stressed up, I wouldn't be able to remember what I have studied.

I hope it not too late that I am starting to see the point that I have got to relax myself when I still have two more papers left. I remembered that I have so much information to write, but I am just not good at presenting them in paper. I think its really because I am too nervous and stressed.

Sometimes I feel really lonely here in Tassie when the amount of people and time i have to interact with is few. I drown myself into my books everyday, almost forgeting who I am, not to mention sometimes its very unfair to Yuen Yue that I don't spend a lot of time with her.

I looked at Alvin's blog the other time, it amused me alot. But it also allowed envy to set into me. I see how he manages his blog well with funny articles and amazing experiences of his life. I see how studying in Singapore keeps him together with his university and JC friends. And I see how my blog is full oh whining and dislikes. I think I have alot to improve. Not longer sad Jerry, not longer lose-myself-Jerry. I want to be a positive Jerry, a happy Jerry. I keep telling myself that I am not going to let my grades decide my mood, I haven been able to do so. I need to realise that the importance of getting that big smile and to keep a positive mindset.

I really hope next semester will be a happy semester. I don't want next semester to be like this semester.

Just to sidetrack. I want to talk abit about my church here in Tassie.

I have been attending the bible study here in Tassie for quite some time, it gives serious interpretation on the bible and how we have to get right with God. I think its good, but then again, I realised that I have become too skeptical with theologies that I am questioning too much. I realised that at the end of day, if you just keep at it, reading the bible, faith will bring you to understanding. If you try to understanding everything with your own effort, you will not be able to make it without God's help.